Optimistic Even in Cynicism
by Dragongirl253
Summary: A super snarky girl joins RED team and immediately enters herself in a made up competition to be the worst human being possible. Will she be able to win? ...I dunno, maybe? Stupidity ensues either way, so... Rated M for language 'cause I'm paranoid. In case you haven't guessed, there is an OC.
1. Chapter 1

_Once upon a time, the RED team was sitting in the supply area of their base, wallowing in their own collective stupidity as they waited for a the new team member they were told that they would be getting... _The plot twist is that it was a trick and they never arrived, causing RED team to eventually die from breathing in too much fart.

LOLJK.

"The new teammate should be here any second. Now, if you MAGGOTS would just stop WHINING and be PATIENT, maybe our new member would actually be grateful to not be welcomed to an empty BASE!" Soldier shouted, as Heavy began to be the last one to lose his patience. Heavy ignored Soldier and left anyways, just as Spy, Sniper, and Demoman had done earlier.

The Scout rolled his eyes in response and rested his bat on his shoulder, saying, "Whateva, fagnuts. We've been waitin' for ova' an hour now. I have betta crap than dis to be doin'." As Scout turned to leave the room, the Medic spoke his agreement.

"I couldn't haf agreed more, Soljah. I still have an Engineah to doctah, if you recall," he said as he stood to return to the medical treatment bay.

Just as Soldier was about to have a temper tantrum to rattle the century, the door to the spawn area squeakily opened, revealing a lone figure, holding a suitcase, backlit and silhouetted.

Everyone in the room turned to the ominous new teammate - and whoever wasn't in the room (a certain Bostonian, may I add) stuck their head through the doorway to take a peek for himself. And then Medic left anyways because I couldn't think of any dialogue for him- I MEAN, because he needed to go take care of Engineer.

The sound of footsteps alerted RED that the figure was closer than they'd expected. As the sunlight dimmed, the features of RED team's new member were revealed.

She was a tall brunette, with muscular legs, broad shoulders, and a square jaw. Overall, she had a boyish build, which wasn't going to make it such a problem to fit in.

"Alright," she suddenly said, deliberately cutting off the Soldier, who was about to welcome her aboard, "Before anything else- that includes whatever you're... doing with your life..." She trailed off, acknowledging the Scout, who was dashing around behind her, mouthing his excitement to have a female on the team. "ANYWAYS, before anything else, I need you all to know that I hate you all." She paused for a moment, calmly grinning.

Soldier opened his mouth, but the girl cut him off.

"And no matter how friendly I may seem - because I WILL seem friendly before I'm comfortable with you guys - I hate all of you just as much, if not more than, the enemy team. Simply because you are humans. It's just a fact of life, it's like...well, I don't know," She stated as matter-of-fact-ly as humanly possible, faintly smiling the entire time, especially as she finished talking. "I hate people. So, welcome to the team, me."

There was a long silence among the team as everyone waited to see if she had anything else to say.

Once they were sure she was done speaking, Soldier reduced the gap between them to around a foot or so.

He saluted as he was finally allowed to speak. "Welcome aboard. But you BETTER lose that ATTITUDE, Madame Rufflepanties, because from now on, every waking HOUR of your LIFE will be spent either PLANNING or FIGHTING against the ENEMY TEAM. You will be fighting for your LIFE, your PRIDE, your FREEDOM, and_ mooost _importantly, YOUR COUNTRY!" Soldier was so engrossed in his speech that he didn't notice the new member break her death glare for just a second to roll her eyes at him.

"So I truly HOPE that you have more fighting spirit than the rest of these worthless maggots on the team, because with enough effort, sweat, blood, and elbow grease, you just might become the best fighter on this team. Of course, there's not a SNOWFLAKE'S chance in a VIETNAM TORNADO that you'll surpass ME, but -"

"Yeah, yeah, 'Murica and the such... Clam it," the girl said, swatting at him with her hand. "First, I _will_ - surpass you, if I haven't already. Second, Jesus Christ, your breath is awful! Ever heard of this cool new invention called toothpaste on a toothbrush? How about mouthwash? Breath mints? Not even personal space at least?" As she paused to think up more snark to throw at the Soldier, she was interrupted by him suddenly leaning in so close that their heads would've collided had she not leaned back herself.

Soldier poked her in the forehead and growled, "Now, missy, listen here, I'm not taking any back talk or sass, especially not from a weak, GIRLY little -"

"Maybe I wouldn't have to be so sassy if you didn't get all up in my business," snapped the brunette, turning around to walk away.

Pyro, who was about half way between the door and the back wall grabbed one of his fire-retardant suits from a nearby hanger, then held it out the the Soldier, saying, "Ymh mmght wmmnt thms." The Soldier grunted and tried to slap the suit out of Pyro's hand as he walked away.

The girl giggled smugly for a second, picking up her suitcase as she did. "Nice one, Pyro," she said as she walked a few steps past him. "Wait, you ARE some sorta pyromaniac, yeah? I kinda just assumed based on your fire-retardant suit and that flamethrower over there..." Pyro nodded confirmation as the girl continued on her path. Now standing next to the lockers, she sat down her suitcase and began unpacking, when suddenly the Scout came up to her.

"'Ey," he said in a mildly successful attempt at sounding cool, "So I just couldn't help but notice ya' legs. I bet'cha a pretty good runna'."

Since he was being pretty okay so far, the girl risked answering with a nod and a subdued, "Yeh."

The Scout continued talking; the girl's worst case scenario. "I bet'cha not as good as me, though. I could cova' a mile-a-minute - or two flat - and not even be winded. Ya know dat? I'm da real deal, sista'."

The girl pursed her lips and calmly closed her eyes as she took a deep breath through her nose, like a more professional version of a sigh.

"I mean, not to brag, or anything, but I wouldn't blame ya if you were impressed," he said, flexing. "Or even if ya ended up up not bein' able to handle bein' too close ta me, but I'd feel pretty sorry for ya if dat were ta happ - "

The girl threw her briefcase against the wall with a yell.

There was a short pause as Scout was silenced by being taken aback.

"DID I NOT JUST SAY IT? DID I NOT JUST SAY THAT I HATE YOU _ALL?"_

As the Scout opened his mouth to respond, the girl flexed to mirror the obnoxious little runner, nearly ripping her sleeves open with her bulging shoulder-muscles that didn't actually exist in such an extreme form.

She took a big breath, trying to calm down. "When the _girl you're flirting with_...has bigger biceps than_ you_...yours are _probably _nothing to brag about, bro!"

Scout watched as she turned around and finished unpacking the last of her non-personal belongings before she closed her suitcase and headed towards the hallway in front of her, on the right side of the room.

"You know, it's a damn shame. I really wanted to like you, but now I cannot. Thank you for ruining your chances, my dear friend." The brunette shook his hand sarcastically before starting down the hallway.

"Wait! Can I at least get ya name first?" Scout called after her.

After standing by the doorway for a few minutes, she turned around sheepishly. "Umm...only if I can get directions to my room."

Scout smiled as he pointed down the middle hallway and replied, "3rd one on the left," speaking through smug chuckles.

"It's Ashley. Friends call me Ash. Before you waste your already pathetic breath, I _really _couldn't care less about _your_ name, so don't even _try _to open your mouth_."_

**AN: Ohiadere. Um... I hope this is written sufficiently well! If it isn't, then... um... Blame my betareader! o_o Nah but srsly. Not sure if I'm supposed to, or not supposed to, or whatever, but I feel like I should thank my betareader. (his name is Maggot Magnet, btw. His stories are pretty cool and funny and deserve to be checked out.) He's awesome and this story would likely be shit without his help XD. Whew, umm... Long author note... Um... Reviews- or any feedback, for that matter- are appreciated/begged for! Hope you enjoy reading this, 'cause... I'm not really sure why you'd be here if you didn't... Oh, right; cya next chapter, hopefully! =3**


	2. Chapter 2

"'Ey. Rise an' shine, chucklehead," the Scout said, nudging Ashley's head with his bat until she awoke.

"Ugh...wha- ?" She jolted up. "Scout? What the _hell_ are you doing in my room?" she groaned, not bothering to look to her left enough to notice him perched on her nightstand like a cat. Or maybe a vulture.

"Thought I'd save ya from an asshat-to-da-ear. 'Cause, y'know, Soldier's goin' around givin' wakeup calls," he answered. "Well, not that you would know, but...I mean, even though you seem like a dick, it's pretty dickish a' me to let you get yelled at first-day-on-da-job, y'know?"

Ashley thought about thanking him, but decided against it to flop back onto her bed and groan.

"Also the Medic wants to get your 'medical records on file' or somethin'."

"Eh. All you've saved is Soldier's teeth. No more, no less," Ashley threateningly said as futilely tried to smooth out her cow-licked bedhead. "And where's the Medic - and his...doctor place?"

"Why you askin' me? Ask Doc. 'E's been waitin' for ya all mornin' in resupply."

"Thanks, messenger boy. Now get outta my room and get back to...whatever you do in the mornings. Murder everyone with your voice. I dunno." Ashley yawned. "But if you murder everyone before_ I_ get a chance to get to 'em..." Ashley's sentence trailed off into a growl as she stretched herself awake.

"You're welcome for doin' you a goddamn_ favor._" Scout swung the bat over his shoulder and slammed the door as he trudged out.

After lying still for another minute or so, Ashley rolled to the edge of her bed and fished her clock out of the top layer of junk on the floor.

7:30, already? Ashley grunted. She was normally up by dawn, (give or take a few hour halves) - especially on weekends. She couldn't blame herself, though, since it's been a stressful week.

Sighing, Ashley hauled herself out of bed and looked herself over in the mirror (which was, of course, on the floor) before deciding that she didn't resemble shit closely enough to care about her new teammates seeing her like this. She left her room for the bathroom further down the hall.

"Ah, Ashley, I-" the Medic started upon seeing her.

"I'm busy. Fuck off and try again when I_ tell you_ I'm not," Ashley rudely cut him off, slamming the bathroom door in his metaphorical face even though she only planned on brushing her teeth and hair. After doing both said bushings and determining that she stunk enough for deodorant to be pointless, but not enough for a shower to be worth it, Ashley left the bathroom and prepared to address the Medic.  
"Alright, what is it that you wanted?" She asked and approached the Medic as "not-_quite_-hostile"ly as possible.

"Here, come to the medical bay," the Medic said, excitedly grabbing Ashley by the wrist and beckoning (if not dragging) her into the resupply area and through the doorway on the left, into what was supposedly the medical bay.

While Medic rummaged through some drawers for something, Ashley examined her surroundings. The room was dimly lit and a dark shade of grey, already giving it a creepy atmosphere without any help from everything else. Like any good doctor's office, "everything else" included things ranging from a metal slab with restraints on it trying to be passed off as a hospital bed in the center of the room, a skeleton, presumably fresh, judging by the marrow present in broken ribs and skull fragments that were missing from the skeleton itself, but in a neat little pile below it, hanging from the right wall, and the desk in the far left corner littered with clearly used needles, most empty, but some filled with blood from an unknown source, and empty bottles labeled with prominent warnings.

Amid all of this, Ashley noticed the medigun slightly behind her to the right, sitting on a low desk among assorted saws of questionable purposes.

Purely out of curiosity, Ashley cautiously reached towards it, only to have her hand slapped away by Medic.

"Did I say you could touch the equipment?" Medic snapped as he shoved a pile of cloth into Ashley's arms.

"Huh? What's this?" Ashley asked, trying to find a theme shared by items in the pile.

"Last night after you went to bed, I went through your clothes..."

"And that's not creepy at all," Ashley muttered.

Medic shot her a glance. "...and treated and dyed vhat I could. Since yah special abilities and role in combat veren't specified, I just went all out; fire-proofing, heavy fire-proofing, light bullet-proofing, standard bullet-proofing, tearing resistance, built in and fully automatic first aid kits, extra ammo pockets... all za standard stuff."

As he spoke, Ashley realized each piece of her old clothing, aside from now being red, each had a different texture and weight to it.

"I see zhat you haf not gotten changed yet. Go on."

Ashley slowly raised a brow at him. "Uh..."

Medic laughed. "Please, I am a doctor. I'm quite sure it's nothing I haven't seen before," Medic replied, turning his back anyway.

Ashley picked out the lightest thing she could find then turned to face the wall before beginning to change, occasionally nervously looking back to make sure the Medic wasn't looking.

But her usual pants were tighter than ever, and after about two minutes she found herself nearly unable to fasten them.

Medic rushed to Ashley and forcefully helped her do just that. She cringed and awkwardly stood there as he buttoned her slacks for her.

"Good. Looks like zhey still fit. Barely, but..." Medic shrugged. "Good choice, going tear resistance on the pants and light fire resistance on the shirt. I also have some experimental pain-activated antibiotics in the shirt," the Medic went on as if nothing had happened. "I am surprised zhat you vent vith zhe lighter stuff. Zhat you vere extra delicate was pretty much the only information you came with."

"Delicate's one of those words without a meaning," Ashley replied calmly but with an angry undertone. "And, uh...don't just _grab_ me without _warning._ Seriously! ESPECIALLY not when you have me locked in a goddamn_ torture-_chamber looking thing! Like, what's wrong with you?"

"According to most people, a lot of things. A lot of things," the Medic casually replied with a small laugh. For no reason other than feeling cornered, Ashley sighed and weakly smiled with him. "So, zhat reminds me, I still don't have any data on you zhat I haf to. If I could just get your weight and height, Miss...?"

"Ashley. Just call me Ashley. My last name, it's just...it's stupid."

"...yes, vell...Ashley. Alright. So, veight and height," Medic nudged Ashley towards a scale with a height chart on the wall next to it. ""5 foot 7, good...114 pounds, good..." Medic muttered to himself as he jotted down the info. "Age?"

"17," Ashley calmly answered, feeling too nervous and vulnerable to risk any of her usual snark and rudeness. "As of, uh, 2 months ago. June, that is."

"Any previous injuries? Do you take any medication?"

"When I was nine, I, um...nevermind. It's pretty irrelevant. I used to take Ritalin for my ADHD and a mood stabilizer for...everything in general. But your guys's travel agency didn't allow me to bring either," Ashley obediently answered. _I wonder if they have any cake here. I like sugar. I wonder if I'm dreaming right now._

The questioning process went on for what seemed like hours, until, finally, the words, "Zhat'll be all, zhen," left Medic's mouth. "Any qvestions?"

"Soooo...um... Now that you know more about me than my own mother, could I at least get your name?" Ashley dared to ask as she inched towards the now open door, despite the fact that the Medic had already shifted his interest to the needles in the corner.

After a second or two, he paused in the middle of idly flicking one of the needles and looked back towards Ashley. "My name is Viktor. And I look forward to practicing medicine with you," he said, smiling as he adjusted his glasses.

"And I look forward to getting your victims to stand in my place for such practice. Perhaps you'll be able to find time in your schedule for a corpse party of some sort some time soon?" Ashley replied, exchanging amused grins with her new acquaintance. "Also, dude, just so you know in advance, I will totally make myself look more psychopathic than you just for the hell of it, and I'm making it happen if it's the last thing I do. See ya later," Ashley waved to the doctor as she strut out of the room to get some breakfast.

Ashley walked into the supply room to find everyone eating breakfast in groups. Although it took a moment, Ashley identified the source of the food next to the Engineer, Heavy, Soldier, and Demoman. She retrieved her food- an omelette and 3 pieces of bacon- as quickly as possible, while at the same time fitting in as much death glare as possible after being invited to sit with the group. After scanning the room, Ashley noticed that the only people not looking at her or enjoying themselves or inviting her to sit with them were the Scout cautiously scarfing down his food as the Pyro sat across from him, staring blankly ahead.

"I'm sitting here," Ashley announced. "Yo, Scout. Pyro."

Scout attempted (and failed) a greeting through a full mouth of food, which received no acknowledgement in the shadow of Pyro continuing to stare blankly forward as he took deep, audible breaths.

Ashley waved her hand in front of Pyro's face in an attempt to get a reaction, but it was to no avail.

"Are you too desperately needed in fantasy-land, or what?" Ashley correctly assumed.

Pyro didn't actually react.

"Whatever... I know that feel, bro. I know that feel," she sympathized, resting a friendly hand on Pyro's shoulder. "So, Scout, I'm gonna be nice - do you even _have_ a name?"

"Yeh. An' it's Micha," Scout replied after taking a second to swallow his food.

"Oh, hey, I knew someone named Micha in kindergarten!" Ashley piped up. Scout opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it when Ashley followed up with, "In hindsight, that guy was an asshole! Also, I'm probably gonna keep calling you 'Scout' 'cause it suits you better. And is also slightly cuter." There was a moment of silence as Ashley paused to gnaw on a slightly undercooked piece of bacon. "So, uh, is he normally this quiet?" Ashley asked, gesturing towards Pyro.

"When he ain't laughin' hysterically ova the dead bodies of his victims, he is," Scout answered.

Ashley mindlessly hummed as she continued to nibble on her food without actually eating.

The next 10 minutes or so were spent by Ashley trying to eavesdrop on the nearest conversations while occasionally pausing to comment on them to Scout or Pyro, or to shoot down one or two of Scout's attempts to flirt with her. Pyro also had allowed a brief, barely intelligible conversation once or twice before going back to Pyroland. After a while, Scout had finally finished the huge amount of food on his plate and began eyeing Ashley's after noticing the most she had done was cut her omelette into countless little pieces.

"You gonna eat that, miss?" Scout asked, snapping Ashley back to attention.

"What? Oh. Uh, no. Just take it," she said, silently adding, _because I don't trust food that is most likely made entirely out of military powder._

"Sweet. Give it here."

She pushed her plate over to Scout, who stuffed his face with food as soon as it was within reach. However, before he could even swallow, a loud alarm suddenly came on. Everyone dropped what they were doing and leaped to their feet as Ashley just sat there, dumbfounded, looking around like a blind dog. As everyone rushed to the supply cabinets behind her and grabbed their weapons, she realized she'd better do something.

Ashley leaped to her feet and ran to the front of the crowd at the supply area exit. She stared out at the terrain as BLU team already began shooting at them, their bullets stopped by an invisible barrier over the chain link fence separating her team from the rest of the map. Her focus was broken when she felt something tugging at her pocket. She looked to her right to find Viktor clipping a small device onto her pocket. "This is the device that allows you to respawn," he explained i response to Ashley's puzzled glares, "If you die, you get revived back here. Try not to think about it too much." Ashley nodded and inched closer to the exit as Scout did the same beside her.

"So," she started in a competitive tone of voice, "A while back...you said you think you're a better runner than me?"

"Think I'm a better runnah than you?" Scout echoed back, "I _know _I'm a bettah runnah than you,_ girly_."

"Hm. Debatable," Ashley said, rearing to go as the countdown to the round began.

_3..._BLU surrounded their intel. ((Oh, btw, yay for made up maps and game modes!))

_2..._Ashley could hear a Engineer setting up his sentry nest on the ledge right outside of their base.

_1..._Suddenly the gates opened and the RED team flooded out of their base.

**A/N: Since some people have told me about it, I figure I should acknowledge it here and now. I (now) know that the canon storyline takes place around 1968 or so, but I set the story much closer to modern day, if not actually present day. I proooobably should've said that in the first chapter, but, well, hindsight is 20/20. Also, thanks so much for the reviews, guys! ESPECIALLY the ones accusing Ashley of being a Mary Sue before I've had any time to characterize past any more than the very surface! ^-^**


	3. Chapter 3

Before Ashley shot out of the doorway, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She snappily snapped around to see who it was.

Spy was standing behind her, brow raised. "Surely you are not planning to charge out there unarmed, girl?"

At first, Ashley blinked and mentally panicked. He was right. But it was too late, and they were already on the battlefield. No one had bothered to offer her anything to shoot with. And if she would go back to the base and scavenge through the excess piles, the enemy team would be already far ahead.

"Uh..." In her frenzy, Ashley looked down at her right hand to find that she was still holding her spoon from breakfast. She weakly offered it as her excuse.

Spy chuckled. "Oh my. Good luck with zhat."

Ashley shoved Spy out of spite as she shot out onto the battlefield, holding said spoon out behind her, calling, "Fuck you, _I have a spoon!"_ She heard the sentry take aim at her, then glanced at it as if challenging the thing to fisticuffs. She leaped over the turret, leading it to kill its Engineer before she leaped off the ledge, kicking the sentry down as she did so.

Ashley flew across the battlefield and gracefully leaped across the ravine separating the teams like a humanoid eagle. She dodged nearly every bullet fired at her, which turned out to be pretty easy when the enemy is 50 feet away and you're strafing like a drunken ninja. She followed the arrows on the walls to the intelligence room and finally rattled down the spiral staircase, resisting the urge to jump straight down. She heard Heavy's minigun in the distance, so Ashley turned a wall and quickly closed in on the cluster of BLUs.

She bounced on top of the Heavy's rattling gun, and, in a feat deserving of slow-motion - in fact, it totally_ was_ in slow-motion - she used one hand to bury her spoon in the nearby Medic's throat, using the other to grab the Heavy's shotgun and put it to his head, pulling the trigger only once. The intel was in plain sight behind them - she grabbed the suitcase and slid under the Sniper's legs, knocking him down and leaving him to be crushed by the falling Heavy's body.

Ashley could see a few of her teammates staring in awe in the distance. Instinctively, she ran towards them to brag and bask in her own glory. As she ran back the same way she had came, the BLU spy dropped down behind her in an attempt to back-stab her. She kicked up a stick off the ground and spun around, using it to give him a solid whack in the head while knocking him into the line of RED Heavy's fire.

Meanwhile, in the BLU team's base, Sniper was aiming for Ashley's head, knowing he probably only had one shot at her before she carried the intel all the way back. Unfortunately for all parties involved, he missed (like an idiot) and landed his bullet in her thigh. Fortunately for_ him,_ that seemed to be just enough.

He could see as Ashley flopped onto the floor and dropped her pathetic weapon just out of reach. But, before he could aim for her head, she promptly rolled over behind a rock for cover after pathetically reaching for her makeshift weapon.

"Medic!" Ashley whined, holding her leg close to her body. She had no idea where Medic was, but not knowing where to apply for a job doesn't stop people from whining about being broke, so why should that be recognized as an obstacle?

A second later, Ashley could hear shotgun-fire approaching her, and recognized Scout being arrogant loudly enough to be heard over it. As soon as she heard him stop firing to reload, Ashley peeked out to call to him.

"Little boy! What are you doing out here on such dangerous battlefield!?" she cheerfully taunted, deciding that being a total bitch was far more important than feeling pain.

Scout turned to frown at his teammate as he ducked behind the rock with her.

"I ain't little, ya goddamn _baby._" Scout was still reloading as Ashley snickered evilly. "How old are ya anyway? Twelve? And stop wastin' my freakin' time. We're battlin' here."

"I am _not_ twelve," she grumped.

Scout gave her a suspicious look and then promptly punched her in the face.

"OW! What the_ fuck_ was that for?"

"Spycheck." Scout shrugged and turned to leave. "Guess yer not a Spy, then."

"Hey, wait - do me a favor, would ya?" Ashley looked down at her bullet wound, which was beginning to burn. "Run down somewhere and get me a health pack...p-pronto. Or call Medic over, please." She tried her best to hide her wince.

"You go down with_ one_ fuckin' _bullet?_" Scout laughed. "In da_ leg?_ Man, yer more of a pussy than I thought. You _really_ suck."

"You can't expect someone as fast and powerful as I am to not be squishy as fuck!" Ashley shouted.

"Looks like all that speed and powah goes ta waste if ya go and _die_ with one shot!"

Ignoring Ashley's warning growls, Scout went on to rant, "And this is comin' from the one who called da _rest_ a'da team incompetent!"

Before he knew it, Ashley's fist had made contact with his face hard enough to bounce his head into the rock he was hiding behind.

"Spycheck," she said, looking as serious as humanly possible as she briefly imagined Scout's head being used as a handball. "Don't you _ever_ say I'm incompetent."

Scout didn't even respond. He just lifted his bat into the air and brought it down onto her head.

Ashley tried to block and dodge at the same time, causing herself to get hit in the forearm as she fell backwards close enough to the stick from earlier that she could grab it, absolutely according to plan, which she followed totally on purpose. She quickly sat back up and landed a strike on Scout's lower left rib, which he countered with a powerful hit to her shoulder.

The two quickly paused their fight as Medic ran by. "MEDIC!" They cried in unison, like bickering siblings whining to their mother. Medic sighed as he turned to them and aimed the medigun.

"You two are acting extremely childish! In case you haven't noticed, this is not the time nor place for your trivial disputes! Honestly," he scolded as he healed each of them.

"Yeah, well, I dunno what the fuck _his _excuse is," Ashley whined, pointing to Scout, "But, legally, I'm still a child, so I absolutely have the right to act as immaturely as I am right now," Ashley crossed her arms and scowled, trying to look confident in her speech, even though she immediately realized how stupid she sounded and regretted it just as quickly. Medic rolled his eyes and Scout looked at her with a look of "Srsly?"

"I expect more from you both in the future," Medic warned, leaning in closer. Ashley released an exasperated sigh in typical teenage fashion while Scout rolled his eyes. After a second, Heavy ran by, calling for the Medic. Medic continued looking at the pair for a moment after departing.

Ashley and Scout sat there for a moment as they both pouted in silence. Before long, they heard gunfire approaching from behind their cover.

"Shoot that guy," Scout passively commanded, tilting his head towards the top of the rock, "I need ta conserve ammo for goin' on da offense."

Ashley nodded and picked up the shotgun that she used to shoot the enemy Heavy earlier and still had for some reason as she hoped the readers wouldn't be all like "Wtf" at the fact that it hadn't been mentioned since then. Ashley jumped to her feet and fired off 3 rounds before ducking behind the rock again.

"I missed," she said meekly, shaping her mouth into a straight line.

"Ya missed?" Scout echoed. "How - how da _hell_ did ya miss?"

"Turns out I can't aim for shit," Ashley mumbled.

"What?"

"Everyone knows girls can't aim," Ashley joked.

Scout rolled his eyes. "Alright. Gimme the gun."

Ashley handed Scout the gun and watched with mild humility as he looked over the cover and killed his target in two shots.

Scout shoved her. "Da hell are ya_ waitin'_ for? Run!"

Ashley leaped to her feet and began running back to the base, covering the remaining distance in about half a minute.

* * *

She was the first one to dinner, with Pyro right behind her.

"Gmmd jmb tmdmm," Pyro commented, sitting down next to Ashley as she began stared at his food and began a session of plotting ways he could eat without taking off his mask.

"Eh, I could do better. Well, I dunno, could I?" Ashley rambled after swallowing her first bite of food.

Pyro giggled. "Ymm smmrh dmd bmttmm thmm emrmybmmy_ emmls!"_

Taking a compliment was still pretty weird, but Ashley tried her best to smile at Pyro. "Uh...thanks. Thanks, Pyro."

Scout walked into the dining room and sat in front of them. "'Ey, uh, sorry 'bout earlier, Ash, I just..."

"Dude, stop apologizing," Ashley spat.

"Whmmt hmmphnd?" asked Pyro.

"Scout was kidding around mid-battle, and I punched him in the face."

Scout looked taken aback.

"All of it was _my _fault. _You're_ the one who deserves an apology, Scout," she said, earning her a puzzled stare from the apologiz-ee and a friendly pat on the shoulder from Pyro.

Ashley smirked at the two of them. "Look, I_ may_ be a bitch, and an asshole, and any other name you can think of, but I... might... have a soul. The point is, when something is my fault, I own up to it. I take responsibility where it's due."

"Wait. Ya mean that sometimes, you're actually _reasonable?_" Scout asked, forgetting (or, more likely, not trying) to word his sentence in a more polite manner. His words were met with a small laugh from Ashley.

"Yeah. 'Sometimes' sounds about right, honestly," she said. "Are we cool?"

"We're_ all_ cool," Scout said as he began his dinner.

**A/N: Yayyyy chapter threeeeee. Gabe would be pissed. =') Anyways, uh... The first half of this chapter is probably Ashley's most Mary Sue-ish moment yet. Please tell me I was at least slightly successful at trying to balance it out with the rest of the chapter. Please.**


End file.
